I saw a (now deleted) post yesterday from a popular birth worker influencer that shocked me. It was an audio clip of someone giving birth. From the audio, it was clear the labor had reached the pushing stage, and several people were coaching the birthing person. You could hear that they were being guided on when to push and for how long. Multiple voices were speaking at once—something the influencer chose to highlight and harshly criticize, along with many people in the comments. The caption read something like, “Birth workers, listen to this video and tell me what it brings up for you. Is it traumatic for you?” The comments were filled with people calling the audio traumatic and insisting that pushing should never be coached, and instead should always be calm and peaceful.
I wasn’t necessarily surprised by the post or the comments, since this influencer is known for sharing strong opinions about how birth “should” look. What shocked me was hearing my own voice among the many voices in that audio. This was my client’s birth.
I was not only stunned, but filled with questions. I listened to the clip over and over, trying to recall which client it was and to make sure they were aware that audio from their birth was being used in this way. I commented on the post and asked whether the person who gave birth had given consent for their audio to be shared. Shortly after I left that comment, the video was deleted—leading me to believe they likely did not have permission to use it.
Once the initial shock, anger, and disgust wore off, what stuck with me most was how deeply judgmental the poster and commenters—many of whom are fellow birth workers—were about a 15-second audio clip from a birth they knew nothing about. They couldn’t even see what was happening. They didn’t know if the baby was in distress and needed to be born quickly to avoid an assisted delivery or cesarean. They didn’t know if the birthing person had been laboring for days and was utterly exhausted, needing motivation and coaching from their support team. They didn’t know if this individual had clearly communicated that they wanted vocal encouragement to help them get to the finish line.
They knew absolutely nothing about this person or her birth—and yet they felt compelled to declare that everything about her experience was wrong, misguided, and even traumatic. How dare they.
There is no room for judgment or bias in birth work. Birth is unique. It is individual. There is no one “right” way to give birth, and there is no “wrong” way either. As doulas, our job is to support—not to impose our own beliefs or preferences. We’re there to meet our clients where they are, support their choices, and help them feel safe, seen, and empowered.
At Doulas of Utah, we prioritize unbiased, non-judgmental support for every client we serve. If you’re looking for compassionate care that centers your values, your voice, and your vision for birth and postpartum—we’re here for you. Contact us today to get the support you deserve.
