Do you know that feeling you get when you feel like something awful is going to happen? That overwhelming sense of dread that you just can’t shake no matter what. That pit in your stomach that causes your heart to sink a little bit, but not in a sudden dramatic way, but rather in a subtle, gnawing feeling type of way. Now imagine having that feeling every time you breastfeed your newborn baby. Sounds pretty terrible, right? Experiencing that feeling when you breastfeed can be a sign of Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER), and I can tell you from personal experience that it is, in fact, very terrible.
Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex is when you experience feelings of anxiety, dread, sadness or irritability every time your milk lets down. It’s caused by drastic drops in the dopamine in your brain. A lot of people talk about a euphoric feeling when they breastfeed, which is when your dopamine rises during a let-down, but it’s not very well known that the opposite can happen, and it’s more common than a lot of us think.
I was very fortunate to be able to breastfeed my first baby for 2 years and three months. Despite how long I was about to breastfeed her, I would have never described breastfeeding as something that I thoroughly enjoyed. I frequently heard other people talk about their breastfeeding experiences and how much they LOVED breastfeeding, but I just couldn’t relate. I liked that it allowed my daughter and I to have a lot of bonding time and that I could nourish and comfort her through breastfeeding, but the act itself wasn’t my favorite, and I mostly attribute that to the negative feelings I felt nearly every time I had a let-down.
Experiencing D-MER can be incredibly isolating. You may feel like something is wrong, and you might even start to wonder if breastfeeding is right for you. The feelings of anxiety or dread may make you question if you should stop breastfeeding altogether. But let me reassure you: you are not alone, and this does not mean you are failing. D-MER is real, it’s valid, and it’s something that can be managed.
First and foremost, if you think you’re experiencing Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, it’s important to recognize it for what it is. The physical and emotional discomfort that comes with this condition can affect your ability to enjoy breastfeeding, but it doesn’t reflect a lack of love or desire to nourish your baby. Many parents who experience D-MER are still able to maintain a healthy breastfeeding relationship with their baby, though it may take time to find strategies that help.
Here are some tips and guidance if you’re struggling with D-MER:
1. Talk to a Lactation Consultant
A lactation consultant can be an invaluable resource when navigating D-MER. They can help you assess your breastfeeding technique, offer tips for comfort during feedings, and help you understand your body’s response to breastfeeding. Some lactation consultants are also knowledgeable about Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and can provide specific advice to manage it.
2. Recognize That Your Feelings Are Valid
It’s completely normal to feel frustrated, and it’s okay to acknowledge that breastfeeding might not be the blissful experience others have described. What you’re experiencing is real, and you’re not failing. Be kind to yourself and understand that you are doing your best, even when it feels challenging.
3. Try Different Positions
Sometimes, the physical positioning of your baby while breastfeeding can affect your let-down. Experimenting with different positions may help reduce the physical discomfort that sometimes accompanies the emotional sensations of Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex.
4. Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques
Breathing exercises can help you calm your body and mind during let-down. If you feel the familiar dread creeping in, try focusing on your breath. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, and then exhale through your mouth. Repeating this can help lower your anxiety levels, which may make the physical sensations of D-MER feel less intense.
5. Consider Pumping or Bottle Feeding
If the feelings of dread are overwhelming, it’s okay to consider expressing milk using a pump and bottle feeding your baby. This can help you maintain your milk supply without experiencing the emotional distress that comes with each let-down. It’s not a step backward, but rather a tool that can support your breastfeeding journey while prioritizing your mental health.
6. Seek Emotional Support
Talking to other parents who have experienced Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex can be helpful. Connecting with someone who truly understands what you’re going through can provide reassurance and reduce feelings of isolation. If you don’t have someone to talk to, consider seeking support from a therapist, especially one who has experience working with new parents.
7. Remember, This Won’t Last Forever
D-MER is typically temporary. Many parents find that it gradually resolves as their breastfeeding journey continues. However, every experience is unique, and it’s important to listen to your body and adjust as necessary. You are allowed to choose what works best for you and your baby.
Breastfeeding is often portrayed as an idyllic experience, but the reality can be different for many parents. If you’re struggling with D-MER, it’s okay to acknowledge it and seek help. You don’t have to go through it alone, and there are ways to manage it so that you can continue providing nourishment and bonding with your baby in a way that feels right for you.
You are doing amazing, and no matter how you choose to feed your baby, your love and care are what truly matter.
If you’re navigating D-MER or facing other challenges in the postpartum period, don’t hesitate to reach out to our postpartum doulas at Doulas of Utah. We’re here to provide real-time, compassionate support and help you through this or any other experience that may arise during the postpartum journey. You don’t have to do this alone—let us support you every step of the way.
